Insecurities
I can't remember when exactly these thoughts started... they seem to stretch back forever in my mind at this point. It's not like I haven't ever thought about being in a relationship. I've done more than that, definitely. And when I picture myself in one, I'm happy. But then, in real life, when the moment comes closer and I'm on the verge of possibly becoming the me I am in my fantasies, I pull away, petrified. I've tried thinking of a psychological reason that I apparently want something so badly I tell myself I can't have it, but all I can think is, "You're not a psychologist, but you might want to think about seeing one, because you're freaking me out." This isn't just a phase, either. Since puberty I've gone through this cycle. In 5th grade, a boy told me he liked me, and for a little while, we dated -- or we came as close to dating as two 9-year-olds could even think of back in the days when it was perfectly acceptable a...