Family
I don't know why, but I was reading through some random woman's blog just now and she was talking about how her family gets together for the kids' birthdays and all of a sudden, it just struck me how much I miss that about my family.
My family, for those of you who don't know, is pretty big. We've got the grandparents. They had four kids. Oldest and only son had five children, plus his wife. My mom is second oldest, has two children and her husband. Her younger sister has a husband and four children, and the youngest has four children and a husband, also. Not to mention the boyfriends and husbands of the grandkids. Or their children.
But back to the point. We're a fairly large family and even though we're so big, we all try and get together once a month to celebrate the birthdays together. I miss that, a lot. I guess the best song for this blog entry would be 'Big Yellow Taxi' by Counting Crows. You don't know what you got till it's gone. It's so true.
But it wasn't only the birthdays that make me miss my family. It's Thanksgiving and Christmas and even just this summer! Thanksgiving remains my favorite holiday of all because it was the holiday where everyone always got together to celebrate. Extended family came, inner extended family came, immediate family came...pets, babies, games, food, friends.
A normal Thanksgiving in our family would be either held at a church hall or at my uncle's house in New Jersey. Since our family is an East Coast family, it's always been fairly easy for everyone to get there. Everyone usually brought a dish with them, whether is was one dessert out of 20 or some appetizers or a main dish or some drinks, everyone chipped in. Grandma, Aunt Jen and Aunt Donna were usually in the kitchen, preparing the meals, sometimes it was Uncle Matt and Uncle Sean in there, too, while Poppy and maybe Julianna manned the small bar. The other kids were either in the big gym-like hall, up on the stage, playing the piano or just hanging out, playing with the dogs inside or out, or in the small equipment room, lounging about or playing make believe games. Everyone had something to do.
Dinner usually took about 1-1 1/2 hours to make and by then, everyone was already starving. So we'd all sit down, pray, give thanks, dig in and eat until we were bloated. Then came dessert. After that, we couldn't stuff anything more into our mouths without - excuse the crudeness - blowing chunks, and the kids ran off to play again. Usually, around this time, it was getting to be almost dark and the kids would ask to go to a nearby park. Either an adult or older cousin would take them and they'd stay for about 20 minutes before they came back. The rest of the night was spent talking, listening to music or singing, putting on 'productions' or playing.
It doesn't sound like much except a normal Thanksgiving, but to me...it meant so much more. Spending time with my family is something I never want to lose...but unfortunately, I have lost it and I'm not getting it back for a while. It makes me ache and almost makes me sick thinking about how they're all having a good time together and I can't be a part of it. It literally hurts to know that the simple pleasures of my life in America have been stripped away and I've had to go cold turkey since 2004.
Substitutes just aren't the same. (Obviously.) You can cook a turkey, you can make stuffing and gravy, you can bake a cake, but you can't replace the warmth and happiness of a family gathering. That's the key element in making a holiday a holiday: Spending time with those you love and don't often see. I think having a family as big as mine is is a huge gift from God. You ahte them sometimes, but you love them always and it never gets old.
Life is nothing without family. And I hate my parents - yes, I actually hate them, but only that action - for taking my family away from me. I hate the fact that because I'm here, I don't get to see them. I hate feelingg so alone and outcasted by people here because I'm from America. I hate the feeling of emptiness in the pit of my stomach when I think of the upcoming holidays and how I can't spend them how I've always spent them. I hate the constant comparison between my two homes. I hate the annoying people who constantly try and put America down, because I'm proud to be American, I'm proud to have lived there, I'm proud my family is American.
I hate the fact that people are too ignorant here to see the real America. I hate that every time someone puts America down, it feels like they're putting me down because that's where I come from. I hate the fact that I let it get to me. I hate the fact that all anyone ever cares to see about America is the bad side. I hate the stereotypes people place on the American people. I hate the hate that it makes me feel. I hate the fact that I've become antisocial because I can't connect to anyone here, no matter how hard I try, because I'm so biased. I hate that absolutely nothing can compare to my culture, to my country, to my friends and family.
I hate that I miss it so much. I hate that I can't accept this place as my home. I hate that I'm unhappy here. I hate that my life has become one-tracked. I hate that I am not the person I once was, because I became reclusive and closed shut because of barriers. I hate that no one here understands me because I can't express myself well enough for them too.
I hate that I'm making this all so dramatic.
--Cassy
My family, for those of you who don't know, is pretty big. We've got the grandparents. They had four kids. Oldest and only son had five children, plus his wife. My mom is second oldest, has two children and her husband. Her younger sister has a husband and four children, and the youngest has four children and a husband, also. Not to mention the boyfriends and husbands of the grandkids. Or their children.
But back to the point. We're a fairly large family and even though we're so big, we all try and get together once a month to celebrate the birthdays together. I miss that, a lot. I guess the best song for this blog entry would be 'Big Yellow Taxi' by Counting Crows. You don't know what you got till it's gone. It's so true.
But it wasn't only the birthdays that make me miss my family. It's Thanksgiving and Christmas and even just this summer! Thanksgiving remains my favorite holiday of all because it was the holiday where everyone always got together to celebrate. Extended family came, inner extended family came, immediate family came...pets, babies, games, food, friends.
A normal Thanksgiving in our family would be either held at a church hall or at my uncle's house in New Jersey. Since our family is an East Coast family, it's always been fairly easy for everyone to get there. Everyone usually brought a dish with them, whether is was one dessert out of 20 or some appetizers or a main dish or some drinks, everyone chipped in. Grandma, Aunt Jen and Aunt Donna were usually in the kitchen, preparing the meals, sometimes it was Uncle Matt and Uncle Sean in there, too, while Poppy and maybe Julianna manned the small bar. The other kids were either in the big gym-like hall, up on the stage, playing the piano or just hanging out, playing with the dogs inside or out, or in the small equipment room, lounging about or playing make believe games. Everyone had something to do.
Dinner usually took about 1-1 1/2 hours to make and by then, everyone was already starving. So we'd all sit down, pray, give thanks, dig in and eat until we were bloated. Then came dessert. After that, we couldn't stuff anything more into our mouths without - excuse the crudeness - blowing chunks, and the kids ran off to play again. Usually, around this time, it was getting to be almost dark and the kids would ask to go to a nearby park. Either an adult or older cousin would take them and they'd stay for about 20 minutes before they came back. The rest of the night was spent talking, listening to music or singing, putting on 'productions' or playing.
It doesn't sound like much except a normal Thanksgiving, but to me...it meant so much more. Spending time with my family is something I never want to lose...but unfortunately, I have lost it and I'm not getting it back for a while. It makes me ache and almost makes me sick thinking about how they're all having a good time together and I can't be a part of it. It literally hurts to know that the simple pleasures of my life in America have been stripped away and I've had to go cold turkey since 2004.
Substitutes just aren't the same. (Obviously.) You can cook a turkey, you can make stuffing and gravy, you can bake a cake, but you can't replace the warmth and happiness of a family gathering. That's the key element in making a holiday a holiday: Spending time with those you love and don't often see. I think having a family as big as mine is is a huge gift from God. You ahte them sometimes, but you love them always and it never gets old.
Life is nothing without family. And I hate my parents - yes, I actually hate them, but only that action - for taking my family away from me. I hate the fact that because I'm here, I don't get to see them. I hate feelingg so alone and outcasted by people here because I'm from America. I hate the feeling of emptiness in the pit of my stomach when I think of the upcoming holidays and how I can't spend them how I've always spent them. I hate the constant comparison between my two homes. I hate the annoying people who constantly try and put America down, because I'm proud to be American, I'm proud to have lived there, I'm proud my family is American.
I hate the fact that people are too ignorant here to see the real America. I hate that every time someone puts America down, it feels like they're putting me down because that's where I come from. I hate the fact that I let it get to me. I hate the fact that all anyone ever cares to see about America is the bad side. I hate the stereotypes people place on the American people. I hate the hate that it makes me feel. I hate the fact that I've become antisocial because I can't connect to anyone here, no matter how hard I try, because I'm so biased. I hate that absolutely nothing can compare to my culture, to my country, to my friends and family.
I hate that I miss it so much. I hate that I can't accept this place as my home. I hate that I'm unhappy here. I hate that my life has become one-tracked. I hate that I am not the person I once was, because I became reclusive and closed shut because of barriers. I hate that no one here understands me because I can't express myself well enough for them too.
I hate that I'm making this all so dramatic.
--Cassy
Comments
xoxo Aunt Jen
Love,
Rachel
Where do you live now ?
xxx