What is love...
Ok, so, I just got off of Facebook after commenting on one of my friend's recent blogs. It was about love and how "I love you" shouldn't just be thrown around the way it is today. It really struck me and after I commented, I realized that this is a really universal topic, so I wanted to display some of my feelings here...
To me, love is something I can't even begin to understand. I don't think I've ever experienced, but if I have, how am I even supposed to know? There are stories people tell you about how they fell in love with their spouse, but I always ask myself: "How do you know it's love? How can even start to explain those feelings?" I don't know, maybe there's this little voice inside of your heart that says to your mind, "You're in love! Be happy!" Or maybe you just know. Like I said, I'm no judge, because I'm pretty sure I've never felt it (if I was sure I had, I would be less of a sceptic about it, probably), but it seems to means that no one can ever explain love to someone else because love is like snowflakes. No two snowflakes are identical, no two experiences of love are the same.
I've already hopefully made myself painfully clear on the subject of "love at first sight", so I won't go into extreme detail there, because the concept is utterly ridiculous. When you look at a person, all you see is their outer appearance and whatever you want them to be. You don't know them, don't know what they're like, how they speak, how they react to different situations, if they'll even spare you the time of day! Love at first sight is completely useless and probably very depressing to all of those who think they've found it.
The question of "when should I tell him/her that I love them?" is troubling. When is the right time to say those three immortal words? Some people, people I know think that they are able to say it after knowing the guy/girl for a week, sometimes only after going out with them after two days. It's ridiculous. No one could ever know that fast. That kind of leaks into the whole "love at first sight" thing. It's more of a..."love on first date" kinda thing, but whatever.
Love should take time. It should be patient, it should be understanding. It should not be rushed, it should not happen magically all of a sudden. You can't just look at someone and say, "Oh, yeah, I'm going to marry him/her someday." I mean, you can...but that doesn't mean you love them, or that they love you. What if you think you're in love with someone after only a third date. You probably haven't met their parents, you might not have even been to their house at all. And if you get married, thinking that person is right for you, after three dates, what happens next? You're sitting in bed, talking, when suddenly, your spouse tells you something unbelievable that you can't live with. What are you going to do? Or what if you get married and they tell you they're still in love with their ex? You're left broken and bruised, and it's all your fault because you couldn't wait for that fourth date before you got married.
My rules of dating:
1. I have to have known the guy for at least a year before I date him.
2. He has to know my parents, be comfortable with them (it's not hard), and I have to do the same.
3. We have to have been dating for over a year (preferrably two) before he can even think about proposing.
4. The engagement has to be at least six months, at most, a year.
5. Sex before marriage is not an option. If he can wait, he's a keeper.
6. If he says "I love you" before our six month anniversary, the deal's off, he's gone until he can learn his lesson. (If he breaks the rules, he has to wait six more months before he can ask me out again, and then all rules are back in tact, starting from number 3!)
7. He has to be comfortable with my friends, and vice versa.
8. No ultimatums in the friend department. I'm not allowed to tell him his friends aren't good for him, and he's not allowed to tell me to stop hanging with mine. It's preferable if we have the same friends.
9. No moving in with eachother unless we're both completely, 100% comfortable with it. (I'd prefer to make it "until we've been going out for a year", but I'm pretty ok with sharing space).
10. We each have to be able to spend time with other people every once in a while. I won't claim your attention if you don't claim mine. He has to be able to have a boy's night, and I have to be able to "get my girl on".
11. He should like animals. If he doesn't, he has to be ok with being my pet sometimes. ^^
12. Gifts are appreciated, but not neccessary. If you want to get back on my good side after a fight, do it with words, not with money. It impresses me more.
13. No hiding feelings. I promise I won't laugh. If he doesn't.
14. I'm completely fine if he looks at other girls, even if I'm with him. Warning: You might get glared at and slapped at the time, but later, I'll probably laugh with you about it. You can look, but not touch.
15. He has to like families. He doesn't have to want his own right away, but he should be cool with my family. No one gets between me and my big family. End of story. It'd be fun if he had a big family, too.
16. If we do get married, he is so totally helping me plan. I don't care how uncoordinated he is, he's helping. It should be fairly easy because I want to keep it simple.
I know, those are a LOT of rules...but some are negotiable. I'm a very easy person to get around. Unfortunately.
--Cassy
To me, love is something I can't even begin to understand. I don't think I've ever experienced, but if I have, how am I even supposed to know? There are stories people tell you about how they fell in love with their spouse, but I always ask myself: "How do you know it's love? How can even start to explain those feelings?" I don't know, maybe there's this little voice inside of your heart that says to your mind, "You're in love! Be happy!" Or maybe you just know. Like I said, I'm no judge, because I'm pretty sure I've never felt it (if I was sure I had, I would be less of a sceptic about it, probably), but it seems to means that no one can ever explain love to someone else because love is like snowflakes. No two snowflakes are identical, no two experiences of love are the same.
I've already hopefully made myself painfully clear on the subject of "love at first sight", so I won't go into extreme detail there, because the concept is utterly ridiculous. When you look at a person, all you see is their outer appearance and whatever you want them to be. You don't know them, don't know what they're like, how they speak, how they react to different situations, if they'll even spare you the time of day! Love at first sight is completely useless and probably very depressing to all of those who think they've found it.
The question of "when should I tell him/her that I love them?" is troubling. When is the right time to say those three immortal words? Some people, people I know think that they are able to say it after knowing the guy/girl for a week, sometimes only after going out with them after two days. It's ridiculous. No one could ever know that fast. That kind of leaks into the whole "love at first sight" thing. It's more of a..."love on first date" kinda thing, but whatever.
Love should take time. It should be patient, it should be understanding. It should not be rushed, it should not happen magically all of a sudden. You can't just look at someone and say, "Oh, yeah, I'm going to marry him/her someday." I mean, you can...but that doesn't mean you love them, or that they love you. What if you think you're in love with someone after only a third date. You probably haven't met their parents, you might not have even been to their house at all. And if you get married, thinking that person is right for you, after three dates, what happens next? You're sitting in bed, talking, when suddenly, your spouse tells you something unbelievable that you can't live with. What are you going to do? Or what if you get married and they tell you they're still in love with their ex? You're left broken and bruised, and it's all your fault because you couldn't wait for that fourth date before you got married.
My rules of dating:
1. I have to have known the guy for at least a year before I date him.
2. He has to know my parents, be comfortable with them (it's not hard), and I have to do the same.
3. We have to have been dating for over a year (preferrably two) before he can even think about proposing.
4. The engagement has to be at least six months, at most, a year.
5. Sex before marriage is not an option. If he can wait, he's a keeper.
6. If he says "I love you" before our six month anniversary, the deal's off, he's gone until he can learn his lesson. (If he breaks the rules, he has to wait six more months before he can ask me out again, and then all rules are back in tact, starting from number 3!)
7. He has to be comfortable with my friends, and vice versa.
8. No ultimatums in the friend department. I'm not allowed to tell him his friends aren't good for him, and he's not allowed to tell me to stop hanging with mine. It's preferable if we have the same friends.
9. No moving in with eachother unless we're both completely, 100% comfortable with it. (I'd prefer to make it "until we've been going out for a year", but I'm pretty ok with sharing space).
10. We each have to be able to spend time with other people every once in a while. I won't claim your attention if you don't claim mine. He has to be able to have a boy's night, and I have to be able to "get my girl on".
11. He should like animals. If he doesn't, he has to be ok with being my pet sometimes. ^^
12. Gifts are appreciated, but not neccessary. If you want to get back on my good side after a fight, do it with words, not with money. It impresses me more.
13. No hiding feelings. I promise I won't laugh. If he doesn't.
14. I'm completely fine if he looks at other girls, even if I'm with him. Warning: You might get glared at and slapped at the time, but later, I'll probably laugh with you about it. You can look, but not touch.
15. He has to like families. He doesn't have to want his own right away, but he should be cool with my family. No one gets between me and my big family. End of story. It'd be fun if he had a big family, too.
16. If we do get married, he is so totally helping me plan. I don't care how uncoordinated he is, he's helping. It should be fairly easy because I want to keep it simple.
I know, those are a LOT of rules...but some are negotiable. I'm a very easy person to get around. Unfortunately.
--Cassy
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