Why is it so easy?

Why is it so easy for some people to just know what they want out of life? Here I sit, a 21-year-old high school graduate working as a line runner at a Hilton in Florida, and the only explanation I have for my choice is that 1. I kinda like the idea of owning a hotel one day, and 2. it was the first and only place I applied to because they hired me pretty much on the spot. Don't get me wrong, for the longest time I wanted to work in the hotel business, but...I can't help but feel that every time I go into work I feel like it should be my last day doing this job.

I love the people there, and I love the idea of what I'm doing (making people happy, because who isn't happy when their stomach is full? Stupid people, that's who.), but I'm at home watching the behind the scenes to a wonderful movie with this insane cast and I can't help but wish I were a part of this. I wish I could make something that makes people just stare at the screen in awe. Something that changes people.

I think this feeling started ever since I watched the behind the scenes of Sky High in 2007. It was the first DVD that I had ever bought, that ever really, truly belonged to me. I remember watching the movie and being in love with Warren Peace (and/or Steven Strait, because let's face it, he's adorable) and wanting to see as much of him as I could. So I perused the special features menu and found the behind the scenes footage and I remember thinking "It must be really fun working on a movie set." And then every time I watched a movie or a TV show, I would look at the scenes and think, "That must have been really fun to shoot", or "I wonder what these actors are like in real life."

This progressed naturally, and soon I was soaking up gag reels and the behind the scenes of everything I watched. Everything got amplified when I started watching Supernatural and I got to see the gag reels and "A Day in the Life of" and everything I could find about the production of the show and when I saw how well the cast members got along and how fun their set seemed, it just made me ache.

And now I'm watching "The Best Summer Ever", a short about The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and the director is talking about these actors and how on the first day they ever met, they clicked instantly. They all became like best friends and they hung out and did things together and the chemistry on the screen was all real. And it made me realize that I want that. Bad.

But I don't think I'll ever have the balls to actually go to film school or move to LA. I'll probably just go to hospitality management school and become a manager of some hotel.

It's all well and good to have dreams, but I'm too logical to follow mine. Oh well.

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