May 9th, 2011

Reminiscing.

It seems to be what I keep reverting to whenever I get on the computer these days. Something draws me to what happened in my past, and I don't feel right until I've investigated thoroughly.

I wonder if I want to know that I'm moving forward, or if I want evidence that life does actually get better like everyone always tells you.

Well, the verdict is still out on that decision, but in my travels to the past, I have managed to find a gem: A 30 Day Writing Challenge from 2011, whose last entry was a letter to my future self (aka myself right now in the present) detailing my life as it was in the exact moment I sat down to write the letter.

Dear Chloe,
  I'm not really sure what they want me to write about in this one. But I've had that feeling before, remember? Your last few entries have been short ones, but there really wasn't much more to say, I guess, because what you wrote really did say it all. And hey, sometimes less really is more. I forgive you, I suppose. But if you do do this again in the future, try and elaborate a bit more. You know probably only 1 or 2 people are ever going to read it, but don't skimp! Maybe they want a little more than 2 sentences and a smiley.

The letter begins in my normal fashion, aloof and unwitting. I hope it gets better.

  Today is your four month anniversary with Eric. <3 6-year-4-month="" although="" and="" anniversary="" back="" be="" but="" can="" celebrating="" could="" did="" e-hug="" five="" good="" he="" heart="" him="" hinting="" hopefully="" hugged="" i="" in="" into="" it="" jumps="" just="" know="" ll="" look="" loves="" maybe="" no="" now="" on="" read="" right="" s="" saying="" says="" six="" smile.="" span="" still="" suppose.="" this="" time="" to="" ve="" when="" with="" years="" yesterday="" you="" your="">

Well. Ahem. Eric. Right. That...ended about two months later, actually. So, no, past-self. I am not looking back on this entry and smiling. Even though it's only been 4 years. Who knows, maybe we'll get back together sometime in the next two years...

Yeah, no.

BUT!

  Also, tomorrow is your tattoo appointment! Please tell me you don't chicken out and your friend doesn't welch on your deal...I'd like to see that tattoo on your shoulder, you know? It'd be an accomplishment and you'll feel really good about it every time you see it, don't you think? Plus, at least you know it has a deeper meaning than people might think when they see it. It doesn't really matter what they think, but at least you'll know what it means to you. Getting a tattoo that means something to you is far more important than getting one that'll just look good. In a few years when you're getting older and your skin's getting loose, it'll probably look bad, but oh well. It'll still be there. I hope it doesn't haunt you.

The tattoo came out great. And I do not regret it. And I definitely did not chicken out -- in fact, that tattoo sparked a fire in me that drove me to get 6 more tattoos! Way to go, me! They may not all have the same great and deep meaning as my very first, but I did not pick them without a meaning in mind. So, I think my values are still in tact here.

  You know I like to ramble, so I'll cut this one short (you'll be begging me for more the next time you read this, jerk.).
--Cassy May 19th, 2011.

Yes, I still like to ramble, thank you very much. And yes, past-self, I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO READ MORE. But I'll just have to forgive myself, won't I?

Probably not.

You son-of-a-bitch.

-- Chloe March 17th, 2015