Cassy In Her Own World

he loves me... <3 only question is... what now? --Cassy

So, I finally made it. Two years after I would've graduated in America, I'm finally in my last year of high school. People keep asking me how I feel: Am I excited? Do I just want it to be over? Am I scared? What am I going to do after school? Honestly, I never really know what to say to people when they ask these kinds of questions. Yes, I'm anxious to get it over with and finally go to college like I should've done two years ago. Yes, I'm scared of the finals and the work I have to do until then. Yes, I'm excited to finally be graduating. After school I'm going to go to college and study tourism management and after that I hope to move back to America work in a hotel for a few years before I can gather up the money to open one of my own. If anyone who's curious about these questions, just read this blog. I can't answer them personally because it's too hard to think about now. I don't know what's going to happen in May and June. I do...

...that's how I feel right now. It's like no matter how much I try to grow, how I try to open myself up, I just can't move forward in my life. Love life, social life, academic life, spiritual life, any life. All around me I can see my friends, my family growing, expanding, moving on, living their lives, and I just feel stuck. I just have to wonder if it's because I'm just beginning my last year of high school, two years later than all of my friends, or if these feelings have been festering in me for a long time. Would things be different if we had stayed in America or was this fate, this feeling inevitable, unstoppable? Is it something I could've done, was there something I missed or am I doing everything as destiny had planned for me? I'm at the breaking point now, I'm losing my sanity here. I wish it was over. I wish the paper was written, the finals were over, and the next level could begin. College: It scares me. I'll be on my own for the ...

--> Well, we did it, Jacob. We finished High School.   As Beth stared at the large brick building that’d been her school for the past four years, her eyes welled up. Not because she was leaving a safe haven of sorts, or because she now had to face college and the real world all by her lonesome, without the comfort of friends and relatives nearby. Not because she was leaving some of the nicest teachers she’d ever known, people who’d taught her important life lessons as well as the basics of society and all that other school stuff they taught.  No, it was the thought of graduating 17 th out of a class of 211, formerly 212. Jacob was her best friend and now he was gone. He didn’t even make it to his own graduation. He never got to see his best friends trip up the stairs to collect their diplomas with big, toothy grins on their faces as they shook the principal’s hand.    The pain in her chest was no longer fresh, but it hurt just the same as the ...

misses the times when she would play outside all day with random kids she didn't know. When your best friend was someone you'd known for five minutes. When the best thing that happened was the ice cream truck drove by on a hot day and you had juuuust enough money to buy that one popsicle that looked like Donald Duck or Mickey Mouse. When things were simpler and more fun. When you didn't have to worry about death, destruction and the leaders of the free world. Sneaking into forbidden places and making a magical world out of random things.  Using anything and everything you found in a game. Spending hours upon hours exploring your street, backyard, house, etc. When it was hard to stay up until midnight on New Year's Eve. When Christmas morning was the one day of the year you could jump on your parents' bed to wake them up. When you would dress up on Halloween and actually go trick-or-treating, and when you sported a bag for candy and a collection box for ...

Ok, so it's not really a midsummer NIGHT so much as a midsummer I-should've-gone-to-bed-hours-ago-but-it's-6am-now-so-I'm-bored-and-going-to-post-something post. I was just sitting here, checking Blogger and Facebook and thinking about how I should be doing something worthwhile with my time. I mean, this is my last summer of complete freedom, really. I just think that I could be spending my time doing more meaningful things than posting on a role playing website (not that it's not fun and totally relaxing, but what'll it get me later on in life?). I'm waiting for some books to arrive from Amazon for my graduation project. I'm kind of excited and kind of scared about it. I have to write 20-30 pages on urban legends and I have to read 5-8 books about the subject and I have to hand a chapter outline in to the board of education for the seal of approval and then I have to present it to a panel of teachers and I'm really scared. I'm scared of the ...

Well, people, it's that time of year again. The school year is almost over and it's time to review the school year. Grades are as follows: Math - B German - D English - A French - C Latin - D Geography - C History - C Computer Science - C Music - A Psychology - B Chemistry - C Physics - A Schlüsselqualifikationen (no way to directly translate that...) - A (List may be edited at a later date because I'm not sure they're all right.) Not my best year, as you can see, but I'm not sweating it. Next year, however, will be tough. Finals, theses and various other small projects await me. But then my high school career is over and I become a college student. Studying for free (!!!) in Semmering college of tourism management. Let's see if I can make it. Anyway, yesterday was the first and last showing of The Sound of Music, played by my mixed music class. I played Maria (the lead...ugh) and I've heard I was pretty good. My opinion? I was red in...